Are you looking for ways to be a more effective parent? Well, you’re not alone. Many parents understand the challenge of parenting and want to be great parents, but lack effective role models, skills and education. They struggle to meet the challenge.
Parenting is one of those things that we “learn on the job” and that can be difficult but even worse …humiliating. How competent can you feel when you are being manipulated by a three-year-old or even worse when it’s a 9-year-old!
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So what exactly is an effective parent? Well, honestly it is different for everyone. Every parent wants different things for their children. However, we can probably agree that we want our children to be successful and competent in their lives.
Success is also different for almost everyone. However, in order to be successful, we want to give our kids the tools to be successful in whatever way we define success. It means that we have thought out and instilled the values and skills that we want to teach our children and that we are in the lead as an effective parent.
This does not mean that your child’s needs and wants are not important. Of course, they are. However, you are older and have more life experience. You as the parent must lead the way and work to instill your values and teach your children.
Although values are as far-ranging as A-Z, here is a list that you can adapt in your own way. Here are some of the areas that you may want to consider:
Taking the Time to Be an Effective Parent
Anyone who has been a parent for a few years will realize that parenting goes far beyond the physical care of our children. However, because the care takes so much of our time it is easy to just stay in survival mode.
And this is where it is important for parents to realize that in order to be effective there has to be a plan. Parents need to know what they want to teach their children from a very young age. In today’s world, we are bombarded with information.
If we don’t think about and be deliberate about the values and ideas that we want to teach our children someone else will be waiting in the wings to fill in for us. Children grow up quickly and we only have a small window of time to influence our kids.
Therefore we all need to sit down with our spouses and try to get relatively clear about what it is that we stand for. These are the values that you would like your children to have and what you want for your child in the future.
Of course, we never know what the future will hold, but as parents, it is our job to be a guiding light to our children.
Being Consistent
One of the challenges of being an effective parent is being consistent. As every parent knows, kids have a way of whining and nagging, and sometimes manipulating until they get what they want. And every parent knows that is not always to their benefit. It may seem counterintuitive, but kids feel more secure and confident when they have clear boundaries.
Again we have to be clear as to what we what for our children. When we are consistent, our children know what to expect from us and they will not always be testing us to see if we mean what we say.
If we say “no” twice but the third time we give in, our children will always be wondering if this time when they ask, you may respond differently. This is how we as parents get worn down and we may allow our kids to do something that is really not in their best interest.
When we are consistent, our kids realize that we mean what we say and therefore they do not feel the need to test us. They are secure knowing that we are clear about boundaries and that our word is important enough to keep.
This will make our home life so much calmer especially as our kids will eventually realize that we always have their best interest in mind. This is an effective parent!
Working to Instill Values
We spoke earlier about values. These can be our religious views, our respect for others, our work ethic, how we spend our money and respect for elders, etc. Each parent will have their own views but in order to be an effective parent, you must find the values that you both agree on. When you are united and you are working to instill the same values, you are much more likely to be effective and successful.
An Effective Parent Models Behavior
You are the role models for your children. Your children learn by seeing the way you interact with them and the world that they live in. Actions, as the saying goes, “speak much louder than your words”
Your children will model your behavior and it is a growth process for both of you. Parenting gives us a great opportunity to grow to be the parents that we want our kids to see. When we grow in the areas that we want our children to grow, we become better people and influence our children to be better.
If we want to model being on time for our children, we can point out to them why we are doing what we do. For example, we can say something like: “It’s a good thing I planned to leave a half-hour earlier than I needed to, to get to our appointment on time. Now that Michelle spilled her yogurt, I have time to change her and still be at our appointment on time.”
It is these small, seemingly inconsequential things that make us become a very effective parent.
Speaking Respectfully
The way that we speak to our children has a tremendous impact. When we speak respectfully to our children our children learn to speak respectfully to others. This doesn’t mean that we can’t make reasonable demands of our children, but our tone and our belief makes all the difference.
Many parents struggle because they were not spoken to respectfully as children. They have no education or role model to follow. Although this can be distressing it is not insurmountable. Find other parents that you believe are good role models. Listen to these parents speaking to their children and try to learn from them. You should not compare yourself to them, but rather learn from them.
It may seem difficult at first, but you will get the hang of how to speak to your children. You can break the chain of unhealthy parenting in your family.
To get personalized parenting coaching in this and other areas book a free consultation with me here.
Family Rituals and Quality Time
Our lives are so rushed today that we rarely have time to connect even to the closest members of our family. As an effective parent, you can create important family times and rituals that make a huge impact on your children.
Time spent together as a family helps your child to feel secure and loved. It makes them feel that they are important enough for you to spend time with them. Whether it is a festive dinner from time to time, a special outing, or just playing together, family time packs a punch.
High (realistic) Expectations
Having realistic expectations for our children makes for competence. When we have high, reasonable expectations for our children, we send a message that we believe in them. We believe they are capable human beings and can rise to the challenges that they will face. This gives our children the confidence they need to succeed in life.
Rather than trying to (over) protect our children or shield them from responsibility, our confidence in their abilities makes them feel that they have the skills that they need and can meet the challenges at hand.
When we give our children home responsibilities and require them to work before play, we teach them responsibility and accountability. This makes for confident and competent children.
These are just some of the ways that any parent can be a more effective parent. Setting clear goals and understanding our role, are some of the things that help us to be more effective. To learn more, book a free consultation with me here.
Best of luck in your parenting.
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